When Trump Was a Lad

The following is a parody of “When I Was a Lad” by Glibert and Sullivan. If you are unfamiliar with the original, you may wish to watch a performance of it, listen to it, or read its original lyrics before you read the new version below.


The Donald
When I was a lad I served a term
As apprentice in my father’s firm
I kept out tenants who were darkly hewn
And I polished up the handle of my silver spoon

Chorus
He polished up the handle of his silver spoon

The Donald
I polished up that handle so carefullee
That now I top the ticket of the GOP!

Chorus
He polished up that handle so carefullee
That now he tops the ticket of the GOP!

The Donald
In real estate I acquired such fame
That tabloid headlines soon would sport my name
They publicized my private life
As I courted my first foreign-model trophy wife

Chorus
As he courted his first foreign-model trophy wife

The Donald
Our split got such publicity
That now I top the ticket of the GOP!

Chorus
Their split got such publicity
That now he tops the ticket of the GOP!

The Donald
I erected Trump Tower and it grew so tall
That my bankers let me buy the Taj Mahal
Trump Shuttle I acquired in that spending spree
Then my business genius led to bankruptcy

Chorus
His business genius led to bankruptcy

The Donald
But that kind of genius so suited me,
That now I top the ticket of the GOP!

Chorus
But that kind of genius so suited he,
That now he tops the ticket of the GOP!

The Donald
On television next I acquired such fame
That a household name ‘Trump’ soon became
Each time I dealt a cruel,”You’re fired!”
My fame increased and I grew more admired

Chorus
His fame increased and he grew more admired

The Donald
So well I forged reality
That now I top the ticket of the GOP!

Chorus
So well he forged reality
That now he tops the ticket of the GOP!

The Donald
The ratings soared and I found a soap
Where as walk-on guest I hoped a beaut to grope
On the bus I bragged to Billy B
That stars can even grab them by their starts-with-‘p’

Chorus
That stars can even grab them by their starts-with-‘p’

The Donald
When the tape came out, they punished me
By leaving me as top dog of the GOP!

Chorus
When the tape came out, they punished he
By leaving him as top dog of the GOP!

The Donald
Now leaders all, whoever you may be,
If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
If disaffected voters you would make your tool
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule

Chorus
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule

The Donald
Seek fiscal and moral bankruptcy,
And you all may top the ticket of the GOP!

Chorus
Seek fiscal and moral bankruptcy,
And you all may top the ticket of the GOP!

Copyright 2016, Grant R. Griffin. All rights reserved.